DRIVEN BY LOVE

MY RIDE OR DIE

As many of you may know, my wife, René Cosby, has always been my literal ride or die, making sure I get to every one of my shows and performances from coast to coast, state to state, and mostly just around town.

She is an incredible driver with an impeccable driving record, and I truly admire her defensive driving skills. You could say driving is one of her greatest talents and something she has loved since she was a teenager.

Me, on the other hand…

There’s this line from the song “Brand New Key” that goes, “I ride my bike, I roller skate, don’t drive no car…” and honestly, that might as well be my life anthem. And then my favorite line of all, “for somebody who don’t drive I’ve been all around the world, some people say I’ve done alright for a girl.” That part especially feels a little too accurate.

Fun fact about me, I have never had a driver’s license. Ever. No, seriously.

I did have a permit once, my senior year of high school, and that was for one very specific reason. My best friend Nam Chi wanted to skip our senior grad party and road trip from The Woodlands, Texas to New Orleans. She knew she could not stay awake for the whole four-hour drive, so she asked me to get my permit and learn just enough to help. And we did it. Somewhere around Baton Rouge, I nearly had a heart attack when traffic and construction hit at the same time. We got lost, arrived well after midnight, and somehow made it through on pure teenage determination.

When I met my wife, she tried to teach me how to drive. She really tried.

There was the time on the 8 freeway toward Jacumba when she encouraged me to take the wheel for a few miles, which quickly turned into a brief off roading situation in her Mitsubishi Montero Sport. That was enough for me.

Then there was the supermarket parking lot lesson. It took me about twenty attempts to try to pull into a handicap spot while people watched, probably wondering what my handicap was. I eventually gave up.

Another time, I parked so close to the car next to me at her apartment complex that I could not get out of the door. I climbed over the seats, walked inside, handed her the keys, and called it a day.

No one had ever really taught me how to drive or park, and at some point I just accepted that.

I have also had some pretty intense experiences as a passenger. The one that sealed it was when a Ferrari hit the car I was in on a Los Angeles freeway, sending us spinning across three lanes of traffic straight into a guardrail. I thought that was it. I had my eyes shut, screaming, fully convinced we were done. We were completely fine, but something in me decided right then, I was never driving in Southern California. Absolutely not.

So when people ask why I do not drive, I usually say I did not grow up here and Southern California traffic feels like something I was never meant to do. Most people just nod and say they get it.

Before René, I got around the way I always have. Friends drove, I used public transportation, and I walked everywhere. Downtown Orange, Costa Mesa, Hillcrest, I made it work just fine. North County was a different story, the transit system just was not consistent enough for what I needed back then.

Eventually, René stopped trying to teach me how to drive. Instead, I got my boater’s license and my Coast Guard Auxiliary license. Because clearly, I do better on water.

I am a Pisces, it makes sense.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT?

By now you can probably tell, we are complete opposites in so many ways.

I love being on a microphone for just about anything.

She will not speak on a microphone under any circumstances. If you handed her one, her mind would go completely blank, though she insists that is not stage fright.

It is.

She loves driving anywhere and everywhere for hours.

I do not drive at all.

I love walking everywhere. One time I walked from Oceanside to Leucadia just because I could.

She does not walk much, and for good reason.

René has had a leg deformity that worsened over time to the point it became truly insufferable. Over the years, osteoarthritis, age, and wear and tear brought her joints to bone on bone, pulling everything out of alignment. After trying every therapy available, she finally came to terms with what she always knew was inevitable, full knee replacement surgery.

This was a REALLY big deal for both of us for many reasons.

THE SURGERY THAT MADE MY WIFE STRAIGHT

At least her leg.

This took years to get to.

As a Holistic Health Practitioner who had never had surgery, René avoided it as long as possible. It actually took breaking her leg in Bali to push her toward making the decision.

Her surgery was originally scheduled for March 2025, but everything fell apart when her Medicare paperwork was lost and her coverage disappeared. For months, she could not access even basic care.

At the time it felt like a nightmare and missed opportunity to get the surgery she desperately needed, but looking back, it was really a blessing in disguise.

A few things about that original surgeon never vibed quite right with me, and later we started hearing stories from other patients that confirmed it.

Let’s just say… she very literally dodged the scalpel.

Eventually everything got sorted out, and she found her way to Dr. Hajnick at Scripps Encinitas, a surgeon who was fully up for the job.

And it was truly a challenge that needed his level of experience and professionalism.

Her sensitivities meant specialized anesthesia, no opiates, and a very unique surgical approach. She was honestly more nervous about the anesthesia than the surgery itself.

I stayed with her as her advocate as long as they would allow. She nervously grilled the nurses and anesthesiologists about every detail of their plan to sedate her. She was doing her best to be polite, to be agreeable, to be the “good patient,” but there was a very clear undercurrent running through it all.

And then, in the calmest yet most firm voice she could conjure, she looked at each of them individually and pleaded, “please don’t kill me.”

She said it without humor or irony, just a direct request… with just enough edge in her tone that you knew she meant it. I tried my best to keep her calm all day with positive affirmations, sound healing and feeding our dumb sense of humor. She loves photographs so we documented everything in the images below.

When they finally wheeled her into the OR, she looked terrified. She still tried to flash me a peace sign for a photo, but it came out looking more like she was giving us all the finger.

It was probably a little bit of both, knowing my wife.

When all was said done, I finally got the call from Dr. Hajnick himself. With a sigh of relief I found out that although it took slightly longer than his usual patients, everything went beautifully and she was in recovery.

The relief was overwhelming and we rejoiced.

I went to her room and spent the night with her. As soon as she got to her private room she wanted to urinate and demanded to stand up, refusing the commode or offered external catheter. I gasped as she suddenly stood up. on one perfectly straight leg.

It was incredible to see that leg as straight as post holding her upright just a couple short hours after being installed.

And of course, because of who I am., I could not resist finding a little humor in it. Since René’s surgery was on March 31st, I even posted an April Fool's joke the very next day when she was released, saying my wife has decided she is now half straight.

Obviously referring to her leg… but that part went completely over some people’s heads. A few genuinely thought I meant her sexuality, which I knew would happen, but had hoped people would "get it." Most did, but some made long rants about bisexuality and gave personal anecdotes dramatic eye roll.

We also made an unexpected and delightful connection through all of this. At the preop class, we met another patient who ended up having surgery the same day, same knee, same surgeon, and lives about a mile from us. Instant recovery partner. That kind of timing feels like something bigger aligning behind the scenes. and felt like another example of divine alignment and kismet.

RECOVERY AND RIDE RESCUES

We knew that this would be a difficult time for us, so we prepped by telling just a handful of people we were going to need help. It came up in conversations before the surgery as we told people she would be getting her knee replacement. Some of our intuitive friends just offered help before we even asked well aware that I am unable to drive. People showed up to help without any prompting or request at all.

Because René could not drive, and I do not drive, our community stepped in in the most incredible way.

Over a dozen people helped us out these past few weeks.

They drove me to gigs, took her to physical therapy, helped with errands, got me to a root canal, picked up medications, and filled in every gap we had.

From March 31st through April 12th, we were completely supported.

And it was not just about logistics, it was love in action.

It turned the phrase “it takes a village” into something deeply personal and felt.

Our village has changed over the years, people move, friends and family transitioned, life shifts, but what became so clear is that we still have a strong village, that is just evolving and adapting alongside us.

I have felt such a deep sense of gratitude and connection through all of this. A knowing that somehow, some way, we are always supported through people who carry kindness, generosity, and love so naturally.

Some told us they wanted to give back because we have been there for them in some way. Sometimes we weren't even aware the impact we made in their lives. Some just felt called because that is their nature. Some simply said, we love you and we want to show up for you in any way we can.

And that was enough.

My heart is full.

I sent thank you cards & gifts to everyone who showed up for us, but honestly, there are not enough words to fully express what this has meant.

And guess what?

We get to do it all over again on May 19th for her second knee replacement.

This time, though, there is a deeper sense of calm.

Because now we know.

We are held and we are loved. Not for any specific reason, but just because we exist and somehow we attract such amazing souls into our lives.

We just have to trust and hold space for one another.

We are ready for round two and to get that other leg up to par!

Thank you to all our friends and community for everything and all the ways you have shown up for us!